Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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