first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize