shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize