I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
