dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
