dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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