how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
