she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
