Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
