We need to rekindle our bromance
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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