Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
