I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
