Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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