I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
