why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
