ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize