they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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