I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize