Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize