True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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