i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
And then he peed in my hair
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