this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
