vagina is talking i cant
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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