She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize