hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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