soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There's even glitter on my cock...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
