i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
