that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My breasts were aching with rage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
