We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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