We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
