dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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