he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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