My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
