Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
