summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
