Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
