I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
