You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize