i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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