Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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