problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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