I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
