I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
