you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
