Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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