somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
