Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize