I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
