ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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