Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
