dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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