That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
