i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
As shirtless as possible
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize