she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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