the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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