um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
