The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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