Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize