True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
