the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
