Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
