im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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