I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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