sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just want nice things and good sex
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
