what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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