I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
