Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
