I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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