i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
